Tuesday July 6
What a great time hanging out with friends and family, missed little sis, but NY was a good time. I think that I should let it be known that I am currently weighing 259 and plan on losing 10lbs fairly quickly. Beyond weight loss it is time for looking better. I have started P90x again kicking off with Chest and Back, so many pushups love it. Running and P90x are awesome eating right will make changes happen. I am really focused on working hard and making money while getting fit. This is country week at the Okie Idol karaoke challenge and i think I have to go with Garth. Let's do this. BIG WEEK PEOPLE Lake weekend is on July 30th, three weeks.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Modern Family Spec Script
Modern Family
Season 2
Episode: “Parrot-dise”
Episode: “Parrot-dise”
Act 1
Scene 1 –
Video of a hearse pulling away from the front of a small cottage type house with a yard full of decorations, tacky as possible. Cut to Phil and Claire on the couch…
Phil:
Sometimes you have to take life at face value,
like when you buy flowers for a funeral; it’s not
like when you buy flowers for your wife. It actually matters.
Claire:
Really.
Phil:
Flowers for you are like sending, candy to mr. kool aid, to much sweetness. (pause) looks at camera,
(in mr kool aid voice) OH YEAH!!!
Claire gives the go to hell look. Cut to next scene.
Mitchell:
Uncle Russ was a guy that you had to know to appreciate…
Cam:
I only met him once and appreciate would not be the word.
Mitchell:
Yes he was a bit eccentric
Cam:
He stuck my finger in his mouth and said
“Fruity” that is both offensive and unsanitary.
Mitch:
In his defense you did have strawberry jam on that finger.
Cam:
Yeah you’re right… that makes it better.
Scene End
Jay:
He was my first wife’s brother and I don’t think he worked a day in his life.
Gloria:
Jay, he was your brother-in-law, God rest his soul. (Sign of the Cross)
Jay:
“Law”, humff something else he didn’t seem to follow.
Scene 2
The Dumpheys are at home getting ready for the funeral, Phil is shaving and Claire is in the shower.
Phil:
(under his breath, loud enough to be heard)
I can’t believe we have to spend our Saturday at church
Claire:
Oh real nice Phil, a family member dies and you
can’t believe you have to miss some TV show.
Phil:
Some tv show, Honey, it’s the 18th annual Kibbles N’ Bits Best dog in America pageant, (self corrects) show.
Claire:
First of all you can just record that, and not make
me watch it later. Secondly, the funeral isn’t at a church.
Phil:
But how will God know that he died?
Luke enters dressed as a ninja.
Phil:
Hey buddy what the heck are you wearing.
Luke:
Mom said I had to wear all black.
Claire:
(Leaning her head out of the shower)
Luke, you can’t wear a Halloween costume to a funeral, go change.
Phil:
Good try buddy, let’s maybe go with some dress pants And a nice shirt, you can keep the ninja stars in case of zombies.
Claire:
PHIL!!!
Cut to Luke on the couch
Luke:
(perplexed) So, what do ninjas wear to funerals?
(concerned) And he was joking about zombies right?
Scene 3
Mitch and Cam’s on the couch
Cam:
The best part about funerals...
Mitch:
Best part of funerals?
Cam:
Yes… the Best part about funerals is the food.
Mitch:
Silly me I thought you were going to say
something ridiculous.
Cam:
Anyway, when I was singing at services in Missouri the nice ladies would always make sure the talent was well taken care of.
Mitch:
They were southern Baptist churches, not backstage at the Grammys.
Cam:
The Grammys could only be so lucky.
Mitch looking for cufflinks
Mitch:
Cam have you seen my seashell cufflinks?
Cam:
Nope didn’t even know you had seashell cufflinks. Just wear those others.
Mitch:
I really only wear the seashell ones to funerals because it reminds me of the ocean and how little we all really are.
Cam:
Maybe you could just think of the cufflinks as a smaller part of your suit, just like death is only a smaller part of our lives.
Mitch:
Cam, that is sweet.
Cut to Cam alone.
Cam:
Okay, the truth is the first Friday of every month I gather up some of Mitchell and my things and donate them to charity, and those tacky cufflinks made last months cut. I thought they were costume jewelry from our “Under the sea” party.
Cut to Photo of Cam dressed as a
lobster and Mitchell in a tux with
a Poseidon type crown.
Cam:
(Coming out my shell joke or something about escaping the tank.)
Scene 4
In the car with the Dumpheys.
Halee:
What is stabbing me?
Alex:
Ouch, don’t push him this way.
Halee and Alex:
Ouuch quit it.
Claire:
Guys, enough, let’s please act like civilized
people for the next few hours. (looks back, but turns forward after speaking)
(Silence in the car, the kids are all still squirming)
Phil:
(Kool Aid voice) OH YEAH!!!
Claire:
If you say that one more time today
We will be heading to your funeral tomorrow.
Scene 5
The family all enter the Mt. Dale Community Center
The hearse is sitting out front as they walk in… they sign in and looked puzzled. Palm trees and Caribbean décor surround them.
A woman in a grass skirt hands them all leis. As they step through the door they see people dressed in pirate costumes and wearing parrot head hats. The Casket is sitting up front with a poster that reads welcome to “Parrot-dise” over the top of it.
They take their seats in the front row.
Gloria:(leaning over, whisper)
Jay, is this how your family always pays their respects?
Jay:
Nobody, especially my family, has a luau aloha.
Claire:
Phil, what is going on?
Phil:
Some people like to celebrate the spirit moving on and I think I saw steel drums so let’s just see where this goes.
Cam:
Okay, I take back everything I said about your creepy uncle. I saw crab cakes and crawfish on that table over there.
Camera pans to a full seafood buffet.
Mitchell:
This is the strangest thing….
Lights turn off sharply, cutting off Mitchell. Spotlight on the community theater stage, falls on the casket. A second light hits the center of the unopen curtain, Uncle Russ bursts from the curtain alive and well shouting OH YEAH! sporting a dress shirt white pants and sandles. (guest star)
Phil smiles at Claire while pointing at the stage in childlike wonderment.
Luke pulls a ninja star from his pocket and slinks down in his chair, afraid of the undead.
Mitchell:
Okay, now this is the strangest thing I’ve ever… are those my cufflinks?(camera pans in for a tight shot of the seashell cufflinks on Uncle Russ’s long-sleeved flowered shirt)
Scene Ends
Scene
Uncle Russ:
I would like to welcome you all to my funeral.
Jay:
What the hell is this all about Russell, this better not be another timeshare presentation.
Uncle Russ:
Don’t worry Jay, I would like to thank all of you for being here on this special day, as we say farewell to the old Russ and welcome the new fully loaded Russ.
Jay to Mitchell:
Loaded for sure.
Uncle Russ:
I wanted to see who would come to my funeral and announce that those of you that have come are going to be sharing in my recently acquired fortune.
All turn and look at each other wondering what might be coming their way.
Uncle Russ:
As a self employed man I find
that winning the lottery is like
God’s way of saying you have chosen
the correct path my son.
I have decided to share a
bit of my fortune with each of
you here today. If you will check
under your seats I have
given each of you an envelope.
Everyone at the funeral grabs the envelope and opens it, they each find a ten dollar bill.
Cut to Phil alone on the couch.
Phil:
Ten bucks, ten bucks is how much Claire spends on coffee everyday or how much I spend on quarters for the arcade by my office.
Jay:
I guess we should be grateful for any gift given… but, the guy lives off his family for 60 years and he wins 10 million bucks on a scratcher and we get ten bucks.
Luke:
This is awesome I am going to tell everyone at school that my zombie uncle gave me ten dollars.
Claire:
Russ had some questionable times in his life
Phil: Ages 16 to present.
Scene shifts back to funeral Cam has a full plate of food.
Cam:
I can’t believe we are missing the KNB BDIA
Phil:
Best Dog In America, I know this is
suppose to be Sir Francis Bacon’s year.
Cam:
Please, only if Lord Arfred Tenison sniffs some butts.
Pan to Mitchell and Jay
Jay:
Hey Mitchell, is there any way we can sue
this guy and take away his money for
being an idiot and wasting our time?
Mitchell:
If there were a precedent, I wouldn’t
be working sixty hours a week.
Cam:
I have mixed emotions about what happened. First we think a family member has passed, then we think we are getting a million dollars, it’s like Christmas at my parents house. The gifts are there but we have maneuvered the emotional obstacle course first.
Season 2
Episode: “Parrot-dise”
Episode: “Parrot-dise”
Act 1
Scene 1 –
Video of a hearse pulling away from the front of a small cottage type house with a yard full of decorations, tacky as possible. Cut to Phil and Claire on the couch…
Phil:
Sometimes you have to take life at face value,
like when you buy flowers for a funeral; it’s not
like when you buy flowers for your wife. It actually matters.
Claire:
Really.
Phil:
Flowers for you are like sending, candy to mr. kool aid, to much sweetness. (pause) looks at camera,
(in mr kool aid voice) OH YEAH!!!
Claire gives the go to hell look. Cut to next scene.
Mitchell:
Uncle Russ was a guy that you had to know to appreciate…
Cam:
I only met him once and appreciate would not be the word.
Mitchell:
Yes he was a bit eccentric
Cam:
He stuck my finger in his mouth and said
“Fruity” that is both offensive and unsanitary.
Mitch:
In his defense you did have strawberry jam on that finger.
Cam:
Yeah you’re right… that makes it better.
Scene End
Jay:
He was my first wife’s brother and I don’t think he worked a day in his life.
Gloria:
Jay, he was your brother-in-law, God rest his soul. (Sign of the Cross)
Jay:
“Law”, humff something else he didn’t seem to follow.
Scene 2
The Dumpheys are at home getting ready for the funeral, Phil is shaving and Claire is in the shower.
Phil:
(under his breath, loud enough to be heard)
I can’t believe we have to spend our Saturday at church
Claire:
Oh real nice Phil, a family member dies and you
can’t believe you have to miss some TV show.
Phil:
Some tv show, Honey, it’s the 18th annual Kibbles N’ Bits Best dog in America pageant, (self corrects) show.
Claire:
First of all you can just record that, and not make
me watch it later. Secondly, the funeral isn’t at a church.
Phil:
But how will God know that he died?
Luke enters dressed as a ninja.
Phil:
Hey buddy what the heck are you wearing.
Luke:
Mom said I had to wear all black.
Claire:
(Leaning her head out of the shower)
Luke, you can’t wear a Halloween costume to a funeral, go change.
Phil:
Good try buddy, let’s maybe go with some dress pants And a nice shirt, you can keep the ninja stars in case of zombies.
Claire:
PHIL!!!
Cut to Luke on the couch
Luke:
(perplexed) So, what do ninjas wear to funerals?
(concerned) And he was joking about zombies right?
Scene 3
Mitch and Cam’s on the couch
Cam:
The best part about funerals...
Mitch:
Best part of funerals?
Cam:
Yes… the Best part about funerals is the food.
Mitch:
Silly me I thought you were going to say
something ridiculous.
Cam:
Anyway, when I was singing at services in Missouri the nice ladies would always make sure the talent was well taken care of.
Mitch:
They were southern Baptist churches, not backstage at the Grammys.
Cam:
The Grammys could only be so lucky.
Mitch looking for cufflinks
Mitch:
Cam have you seen my seashell cufflinks?
Cam:
Nope didn’t even know you had seashell cufflinks. Just wear those others.
Mitch:
I really only wear the seashell ones to funerals because it reminds me of the ocean and how little we all really are.
Cam:
Maybe you could just think of the cufflinks as a smaller part of your suit, just like death is only a smaller part of our lives.
Mitch:
Cam, that is sweet.
Cut to Cam alone.
Cam:
Okay, the truth is the first Friday of every month I gather up some of Mitchell and my things and donate them to charity, and those tacky cufflinks made last months cut. I thought they were costume jewelry from our “Under the sea” party.
Cut to Photo of Cam dressed as a
lobster and Mitchell in a tux with
a Poseidon type crown.
Cam:
(Coming out my shell joke or something about escaping the tank.)
Scene 4
In the car with the Dumpheys.
Halee:
What is stabbing me?
Alex:
Ouch, don’t push him this way.
Halee and Alex:
Ouuch quit it.
Claire:
Guys, enough, let’s please act like civilized
people for the next few hours. (looks back, but turns forward after speaking)
(Silence in the car, the kids are all still squirming)
Phil:
(Kool Aid voice) OH YEAH!!!
Claire:
If you say that one more time today
We will be heading to your funeral tomorrow.
Scene 5
The family all enter the Mt. Dale Community Center
The hearse is sitting out front as they walk in… they sign in and looked puzzled. Palm trees and Caribbean décor surround them.
A woman in a grass skirt hands them all leis. As they step through the door they see people dressed in pirate costumes and wearing parrot head hats. The Casket is sitting up front with a poster that reads welcome to “Parrot-dise” over the top of it.
They take their seats in the front row.
Gloria:(leaning over, whisper)
Jay, is this how your family always pays their respects?
Jay:
Nobody, especially my family, has a luau aloha.
Claire:
Phil, what is going on?
Phil:
Some people like to celebrate the spirit moving on and I think I saw steel drums so let’s just see where this goes.
Cam:
Okay, I take back everything I said about your creepy uncle. I saw crab cakes and crawfish on that table over there.
Camera pans to a full seafood buffet.
Mitchell:
This is the strangest thing….
Lights turn off sharply, cutting off Mitchell. Spotlight on the community theater stage, falls on the casket. A second light hits the center of the unopen curtain, Uncle Russ bursts from the curtain alive and well shouting OH YEAH! sporting a dress shirt white pants and sandles. (guest star)
Phil smiles at Claire while pointing at the stage in childlike wonderment.
Luke pulls a ninja star from his pocket and slinks down in his chair, afraid of the undead.
Mitchell:
Okay, now this is the strangest thing I’ve ever… are those my cufflinks?(camera pans in for a tight shot of the seashell cufflinks on Uncle Russ’s long-sleeved flowered shirt)
Scene Ends
Scene
Uncle Russ:
I would like to welcome you all to my funeral.
Jay:
What the hell is this all about Russell, this better not be another timeshare presentation.
Uncle Russ:
Don’t worry Jay, I would like to thank all of you for being here on this special day, as we say farewell to the old Russ and welcome the new fully loaded Russ.
Jay to Mitchell:
Loaded for sure.
Uncle Russ:
I wanted to see who would come to my funeral and announce that those of you that have come are going to be sharing in my recently acquired fortune.
All turn and look at each other wondering what might be coming their way.
Uncle Russ:
As a self employed man I find
that winning the lottery is like
God’s way of saying you have chosen
the correct path my son.
I have decided to share a
bit of my fortune with each of
you here today. If you will check
under your seats I have
given each of you an envelope.
Everyone at the funeral grabs the envelope and opens it, they each find a ten dollar bill.
Cut to Phil alone on the couch.
Phil:
Ten bucks, ten bucks is how much Claire spends on coffee everyday or how much I spend on quarters for the arcade by my office.
Jay:
I guess we should be grateful for any gift given… but, the guy lives off his family for 60 years and he wins 10 million bucks on a scratcher and we get ten bucks.
Luke:
This is awesome I am going to tell everyone at school that my zombie uncle gave me ten dollars.
Claire:
Russ had some questionable times in his life
Phil: Ages 16 to present.
Scene shifts back to funeral Cam has a full plate of food.
Cam:
I can’t believe we are missing the KNB BDIA
Phil:
Best Dog In America, I know this is
suppose to be Sir Francis Bacon’s year.
Cam:
Please, only if Lord Arfred Tenison sniffs some butts.
Pan to Mitchell and Jay
Jay:
Hey Mitchell, is there any way we can sue
this guy and take away his money for
being an idiot and wasting our time?
Mitchell:
If there were a precedent, I wouldn’t
be working sixty hours a week.
Cam:
I have mixed emotions about what happened. First we think a family member has passed, then we think we are getting a million dollars, it’s like Christmas at my parents house. The gifts are there but we have maneuvered the emotional obstacle course first.
Re-Starting P90X + running
JUNE 28, 2010
It has been a year since i started this crazy blog, note there is only one entry other than this one. Anyway I wanted to get it out there that I am trying really hard to have a great year and so far it has been nothing less than amazing. I have a few more goals to reach and it just so happens running and weight loss are still a part. I am currently at my high school weight, but that is still 256. I have started running and plan on doing my next 5k this Saturday morning. I am also going to keep writing on this each day just for journals sake. Basically this will help me keep track of my working out, eating and goals. Work is work and life is life, but I am trying to make the most of both. I hope everyone is having a great Monday, this is the start of a big week for me for a few different reasons. I will share more about that tomorrow night. I will lose 15lbs in the month!
It has been a year since i started this crazy blog, note there is only one entry other than this one. Anyway I wanted to get it out there that I am trying really hard to have a great year and so far it has been nothing less than amazing. I have a few more goals to reach and it just so happens running and weight loss are still a part. I am currently at my high school weight, but that is still 256. I have started running and plan on doing my next 5k this Saturday morning. I am also going to keep writing on this each day just for journals sake. Basically this will help me keep track of my working out, eating and goals. Work is work and life is life, but I am trying to make the most of both. I hope everyone is having a great Monday, this is the start of a big week for me for a few different reasons. I will share more about that tomorrow night. I will lose 15lbs in the month!
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